mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I would ride that face into the sunset
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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