Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
