just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
