i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
false alarm, still single
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize