You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
