dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
