So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
