He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
