You smell like stripper and shame
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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