he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
