I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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