well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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