How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
