Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
