yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
