You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
