Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
