My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
