if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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