well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
