shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
