True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want to make out with him forever
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point