HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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