Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
two words: eviction party
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
