I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
