I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
