The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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