I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
