My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
