I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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