woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
