if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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