Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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