Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
