My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize