Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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