Sponge bath it is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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