your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
