very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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