11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hotel room ftw
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
