My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
