every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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