I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
