The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
