My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
