How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
