Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
