im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
