the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
