Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
