that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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