I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
