Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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