It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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