I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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