If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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