Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
