Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
