It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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