do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
