please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
