someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
